Tag Archive: motivation


Academic Struggles

 

I love photos of light & dark.

Still not a Europe blog.

Pretty sure that series is about the head down the same path my high-school recollection series is. That is, if it hasn’t already got there.

Doesn’t mean I can’t use pictures from Europe though! Not that I did here, hehe.

Continue reading

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What am I doing?

It was Canada’s Thanksgiving (since the American’s in the south celebrate it next month, weirdos) on Monday.

This meant I got a long weekend! Yay!

I also didn’t have class on Tuesday because it was cancelled. The Midterm is tomorrow, so class is off for people to study.

‘Study’.

And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. ‘Studying’.

AKA: Not studying. Continue reading

Learning how to not learn

I’m having motivation issues again.

I think it’s from being satisfied after previous term. Something about needing a break after I finally found some sort of success.

Though it’s been a long time since then. 3-4 months. Quite a decent amount of time for a break, I’d say.

Something tells me I need to feel some kind of suffering, a ‘wake-up call’ or whatever people like to call it now.

Something that really hurts, something that bothers me, something that would make me really frustrated about myself.

That something would be my BUS 207 exam.

I took 201 last term, a harder and more advanced version of the 207 I’m taking now.

However I’m doing worse in it.

Even though a lot of the content is repeated, albeit not through the same methods.

Even though I’m paying much more attention in class for it.

I’m not looking at my phone the entire class and missing notes.

I would be less worried about this if the course wasn’t so important to me.

I guess only it’s only right in order for the experience to be painful – it has to matter.

My 207 grade will basically determine my Sauder application.

I’m not really worried about being accepted or not, as Beedie, honestly, is pretty nice place after a while.

But what I am worried about is not trying hard enough.

For this application, I asked some people to be my reference (as it is required). But these people are people I respect, and I don’t think I can bring myself to ask them again (if I ever apply again).

I would feel like I disappointed them if I didn’t at least give it a good amount of effort. Something about thinking possibly thinking I don’t appreciate their efforts.

I also feel kind of incompetent being rejected three times.

Not one.

Not two.

But three.

The wishful, wonderful, idealistic reason I had for going to UBC doesn’t exist in the face of realistic issues.

In fact, it’s not even a slightly moving reason.

It’s frustrating.

It’s even worse when my fellow Beedie student, Acky, applied for Sauder and got accepted.

There’s something there between us in terms of marks and competition. A lot of it stems from IB culture as well as MY/SY vs regular culture. I hate it.

I’ve always promoted IB, and will keep promoting IB, but only recently have I discovered the issues that the culture of IB students bring. That’s a separate post.

Healthy competition is nice, but sometimes it gets too far.

It is also part of the reason why it’s so frustrating.

Frustrating that even though I can seemingly determine factors, reasons and correlations for my issues and problems, but that doesn’t help me do shit.

Sigh.

My exam is Monday at 8:30am. I have one the previous day that will let me get home at 8pm. I’ll sleep at around 10-11 and then wake up at 6 to go to the exam.

Sigh.

I’ll spend the next 30 minutes reading more material for tomorrow’s exam.

I’ll be back with a post about how I hate my motivation level afterwards.

See you.

Hidden Hole

I am tired.

I really am.

Not like done-with-your-shit kind of tired, but physically tired.

I slept maybe 34 hours last week. If you just take a average that’s less than 5 hours a day. Then you hear I slept 10 hours on Sunday. 24/6 = 4 hours average over the other days.

Today I slept 4 too.

Why?

Because I’ve been studying.

No, it’s not what you’re thinking of. I haven’t been studying 12 hours a day, or 8pm to 4am.

I’ve been studying from 12am-4am.

Why am I studying so late?

Because I need to study before a midterm.

Why not earlier?

That’s what I’ve been asking myself. I think it has a lot to do with how unmotivated I am these days. This entire term hasn’t seen me be motivated. There’s not much large assignments, and it’s mainly group projects. Perfect things to slack off on (sorry team). Right now I just don’t feel like there is a reason for me to try hard.

Sure, I can get a job.

Sure, I can get a high GPA.

Sure, I can transfer and do god know’s what.

Sure, my parents will be happy.

But those aren’t things that are motivating me right now.

I think of a job, and all I can think is ‘who cares’. I’m basically working a job right now on Friday’s at the office, and it’s nothing exciting.

A high GPA could be nice, but honestly I have no use for it. I am in the faculty I want to be, and 3rd year courses average mark is a B now. I might not be at the school I want to be, or able to have impressive grades, but right now they don’t mean much.

I could transfer to UBC. Or McGill. Or god knows where else with a high(er) GPA. But what’s the point? I’m satisfied here. UBC might be nice, with more people I know, but in reality there’s little to no difference. Going anywhere else would cost more, and wouldn’t be worth it.

My parents would be happier if I was at a more well-known school. That’s undeniable. They would be more proud of me going to UPenn than they would be of me achieving 4.33 GPA at SFU. But when they asked me why it mattered to transfer to UBC, and that SFU is a very good school and that I shouldn’t transfer, it didn’t seem to be something they have on their mind.

So right now, I have no reason to do anything.

I can abide the rules and just be an average student.

Rules prevent disaster, but promote mediocrity.

But when that doesn’t matter to you, the phrase doesn’t work.

I’m satisfied where I am.

But there’s that quote.

Show me a satisfied man, and I’ll show you a failure.

I don’t know what to say to that.

I know what it means.

I know the benefits.

I understand that it’s better that where I am now.

But right now, I’m satisfied.

Satisfied and tired.

Two things that when mixed together creates mediocrity.

Content with the present, and unwilling to move.

Exactly how I am right now.

image

Until I took off my jacket.

Now there’s a new feeling.

Satisfied, tired and depressed.

On second thought, maybe it wasn’t a new feeling.

Just a re-surfaced old one.