Tag Archive: IB


10% Chance of Rain

Today was 202 again.

Walked into class. The seat I had last week was gone. Ugh. No where on the sides near the front. Sigh.

Gotta go in the middle.

There’s these two guys behind me. Talking. A lot.

I think it was just because I was annoyed from being at school for so long doing nothing.

They called out to some other guy, I didn’t hear his name. He sat down in front of them.

Beside me.

He was the worse out of the 3.

Didn’t care for class: ‘God this is so much bullshit.’

Loud: ‘Shut up you fucker!’

Not a jerk: ‘Oh hey, sorry about that.’

Didn’t like him.

 

Today we were getting placed into 2 groups. One for IBE (Interactive Business Experience) and one for LB (Living Book). They like to call IBE ‘IB’. Really confused me there.

Like actually. For a second I thought I was back in IB. Not something I was expecting.

This entire time, I’ve been scanning the class for Sarah. I don’t really know why. Maybe it’s because she’s literally the only person I know in the class so far? Or that I found out (shouldn’t really be a surprise though) that she’s not a scary, robotic person and instead of avoiding her I rather just talk to her.

Well I did find her, sitting on the right side of the room, near the front. Opposite of where I wanted to sit, the left side of the room, near the front. Same row.

She was looking around. Maybe looking for someone? Maybe me? I don’t know. I’d rather not think about that.

Though I will admit, it would have been flatter if it was, even if it just out of curiosity.

Anyways.

IBE groups are 4-5 people.

LB are apparently 6-10 people (mine turned out to be 8).

There’s about 85 students in the class.

One I didn’t want to be paired up with.

One I do want to be paired up with.

I’ll be in groups with up to 13 people.

Assuming everyone has equal chance to be in my group… (it was arranged by some survey so it’s unlikely)

I can’t do math properly right now, so I’m just gonna say it’s like 10% chance that I’ll get grouped with any specific person.

10% chance for the guy I don’t want.

10% chance for the girl I want.

Before hand, I already knew I was probably going to end up in a group with the guy. That’s just how the world works.

First came the IBE group.

Kevin… Hang… Wesley (his Chinese name was registered, but I don’t remember it)… Radha… Lin…

No Sarah.

No annoying guy.

That’s fine.

Now for LB groups.

Each IBE group sent a person to one of the 5 groups.

I wanted Accounting, but no one wanted to do MIS (Managing Information Systems [basically technology]) so I went for that instead.

Oh hey, it’s Sarah.

Oh hey, it’s that guy (his name is Benny, I saw from the name tags).

We had to split into two groups.

16 people, made sense to just do 8 and 8.

8 people on the right, and 8 people on the left.

Looks like I ended getting both of them.

Someone walked from the right to the left.

Can I be on this side, please?

What the hell do you think you’re doing.

Benny’s friend.

I guess I’ll just go over here then…

Sarah went to the other group.

 

As if I didn’t see this coming. 10% chance is basically 100% anyways. Pretty standard for Vancouver weather reports.

‘Unlikely to rain tomorrow.’ – Rains.

‘It’s going to be a sunny day tomorrow!’ – Rain

‘75% chance for rain the next few days.’ – Sun

‘The weekends looks to be sunny.’ – Cloudy and rain.

Nothing new.

Group projects are basically 45% of this course’s mark.

IBE is 30%, and LB is 15%.

Sarah would make a group function.

It doesn’t look like anyone in this group would make a group function.

Oh well.

Another day, another course, another ride.

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Two Points; Both Continue

Today I met with some high school friends.

Some older friends than others. Some more just acquaintances.

I started the day in the morning. 9:30 wake up “its so early I have nothing to do…” Back to bed it was.

Noon rolled around and I remembered I had something at 11:30. Whoops.

I totally missed the whole skating part of the skating meet up, but you know that’s not really important.

…right?

While talking about certain people’s new relationship status (not that recent), somehow we brought up Gavin. Apparently he’s dating some 16 year old girl. My reaction to the number ’16’ was kind of with shock and a bit of disgust. Though then when I stopped to think, it didn’t seem to be that bad. Gavin’s 19, and the girls 16. That’s a 3 year gap. A three year age difference is pretty normal in the grand scheme of things. 10 year differences aren’t too uncommon, and there is always those news articles with the 30+ age gaps. Though the problem here is the age group I’m in. 18-20 is kind of strange because you’re just out of highschool, where age was a huge factor in how you act around others. You become more polite/uptight around older students, and more laid back/commanding around younger ones. But when you’re 18, you either hit university/college, where age doesn’t correlate with year, or the join the work force, where experience is the thing that matters. Being 18-20 means that people younger than you are illegal to approach really (20 with a 16 year old is a big red flag), and being 19 with a 24 year old doesn’t feel right just yet because we’re still so stuck in our way of thinking about age.

Honestly if someone was 3 years younger than me and I liked them, it wouldn’t stop me from talking to them. Though if they’re 16 it kind of feels a little weird with the whole legal issue.

Doesn’t make Gavin any less creepy in my eyes than before.

Transitioning right back to relationships, we were trying to pry Jimmy for some information on his new (only to us) girlfriend of 6 months. Elisa found a picture of her (I can’t remember which picture, so I can’t really Facebook-stalk her) and said something like ‘she’s pretty cute’. That made me think, what is it that makes a person a ‘date-able’ candidate? Surely Jimmy has met cute, smart, like-minded girls before (I can almost guarantee he has), but he’s never made a move before (at least from what anyone knows). Same with Sean. I’m pretty sure he’s seen pretty, well off and well-educated girls before like Judy, why hasn’t he asked them out (I’m sure he has before)? What is this characteristic that separates someone that has all the traits of the person you would date, from the person that you do date? Something I’ve seemed to notice is that most romantic interests are people whom you don’t know too well. There’s  not many cases where I hear of people who’ve known each other very well for a long time that start dating. Sean meet Judy during the summer, and didn’t know too much about her (evident by the recent troubles). Jimmy met this person at Waterloo so I can’t comment too much, but this kid studies so hard I’m not sure where he’d find the time to get to know his romantic interest too much. The fact that he hooks up (this word pair feels so strange to use) with her over the summer just shows that he needed free time to pursue this relationship (he had a co-op term, which was much less stressful than school). My own cases as well, I didn’t exactly know most of them too well. One of them maybe, but I still left in the dark about many things.

Do relationships between people who know each other well not work out? If so, does that mean this characteristic that separates a candidate from a partner is easily discernible, which then causes the relationship to form before they have sufficient time to closely learn about one another? Strange. Also kind of unfortunate. I think that dating someone you know well is a better shot than someone you’re not familiar with, since you know what you’re getting into. But maybe that’s just my risk-aversion speaking.

I mentioned it a little before, but on the way home via the Skytrain, there was a few sentences said that really made me realize how much these friends of mine have changed. It wasn’t even just the words on the way back, but even before and during the gathering (although my ‘before’ is their ‘during’ as I was late) I slowly realized that these people were slightly different than before.

And I’m glad for that.

Change might be scary, but isn’t no-change where change should occur be scarier? That’s just my thought.

Yuchen talked a bit about this to me, that we had all changed (even me, he noted). Personally, I don’t think I’ve changed enough for my consciousness to realize it, but I guess others will have an easier time recognizing it when they are presented with the beginning and end product. They don’t have the continuous contact with me during the process. He (Yuchen) said it was hard to say exactly what about us had changed, and I agreed. You could notice it just by the way we interacted. The things we talked about. The things we didn’t talk about. It’s hard to really say for certain what changed, as there isn’t readily available material to compare with (though that’s a pretty creepy thing to have on hand if I did). I guess this is just the whole ‘maturity’ process that happens. It doesn’t seem to stop.

In 10 years, would I be able to pinpoint the changes in my friends? Yuchen asked something similar to that. I initially said that if I couldn’t say what it is now, what were the chances I would be able to say it 10 years later? I don’t agree with that anymore. I think it would be easier to notice the changes 10 years from now. If we think of a person’s lifespan as a development cycle, it’s hard to notice minimal changes (facial changes that happen in a day) but much easier to notice those that span a significant portion of time (10 year old me versus 19 year old me). Although, being able to notice the changes is one thing, being able to actually name it might be different. My choice of words will still probably still be ‘maturity’, though I can’t predict the future. I’d love to come back 10 years from now after a meeting with those guys to see if I was right or wrong, but there’s so many variables associated that (memory of both events, WordPress’ lifespan, will I even remember this prediction exists?) it doesn’t seem like much of a plausible idea.

Although I can sure say for certain we seem more ‘adult-like’. No longer do we scrap payments together with our coins, but have transitioned into using credit and debit cards. We don’t ask about juice, pop or smoothies, but instead just stick with ice-water (the default provision) or alcohol. There’s less conversation about ‘childish things’ (a very vague term) and more ‘higher level’ (also a very vague term) discussions. While talking and comparing marks is still the norm, there’s a heavier emphasis on what you do outside the school.

This kind of puts me in a bit of a weird position. I’m still quite ‘childish’ in the things I talk about and enjoy. Games is a pretty big one. Of course these guys still play these things, but it doesn’t seem to be what they’re mainly concerned about. I didn’t hear any equations or formulas about Mabinogi from Jimmy & William. Sharon didn’t mention the random assortment of games she plays. Yuchen didn’t even think about Runescape (cannot confirm). Part of it must be the people I spend my free time with. These guys are mainly just gaming friends, people I became close with through games. That makes it kind of hard to break out of preassigned topic of discussion. It’s much harder to go to Daniel or William (Siy this time, not Xi) about serious decisions about school difficulties and those ‘deeper’ (more vague terms) questions about the world then it is to go to Sharon or Alexander and ask about possible suitable professions or personal thoughts and questions.

It’s not like I dislike these guys, in fact I probably enjoy spending time with them more than some of the IB groupies, but it’s just that it doesn’t feel as natural. Maybe I feel as if my gaming friends have more preconceived notions of me than the IB guys. There’s less I have to try to hide or fake (there can’t never be nothing!) or avoid trying to say. They know ‘Kevin’ more than just for one aspect of my being. Though there is that very real possibility that this is mainly just a problem with me feeling unsafe sharing more personal things with them, and have nothing to do with how they are and act.  Though I do feel like I have been ‘opening up’ (or ‘cracking my turtle shell’ as my instructor liked to say) to certain individuals more and more. Which in some aspects of the relationship feels counterproductive, if what I’ve noticed about relationships is true (knowing more = less romance). Though that’s really a minor issue that won’t, or shouldn’t, come up in the future. Perhaps a separate topic to consider.

That’s not to say I share everything with the IB guys either. On that Skytrain home and the little walk to Harbour Center, I was able (in my opinion at least, although this whole damn entry is my opinion, so why do I have to keep mentioning it?) to say some things I normally wouldn’t say. Though part of that reason seems to be me wanting to both create a stronger bond with them, as the experience of seeing a drifted away friend is brutal, and my interest in the topic at hand (romantic relationships; since I think I’ve begun to feel too lonely up in the mountains which is another story). I wouldn’t know if they agree, since I’ve never been the guy that openly shares things to close friends. I’ve always had this little mantra about sharing my troubles. If people just sympathize it makes me feel pathetic. And if they empathize, it just makes them hurt a bit more. So I just don’t share too much. Though I’ve been breaking out of that rut slowly.

Which brings me to the end of the day.

I got home after spending a nice quiet (not really, just deep in thought) bus ride thinking about most of the things I’ve written above. I was thinking about contacting some of the guys and asking them that relationship question (since it probably is the one that pertains to them to most), but I decided against it. It’s a further step than I’ve ever done before though, so that’s still something.

I somehow (I’m still not too sure how) got pressured into playing streaming (because playing it myself wasn’t enough, though the point was for a ‘group’ activity) ‘This War of Mine’, a game about civil (?) war in which you play as neither the rebels nor the federals but as the innocent civilians caught in the crossfire. Some really deep moral considerations into ever move you make and ever move you don’t make are part of that game. Just the kind of game to pull me out of a contemplative mood right? No.

I just fell more into thought, though the stealing from an older couple and the murder of a priest really seemed to steer me into the direction of depressing. Part of that slight depression probably urged me on to start asking some personal (not too sure what to classify them as) and less obvious questions. Although I had a sort of mini-side goal which distracted me from being able to flesh out my thoughts well enough to have them understand the first time. Also a byproduct of slight depression. I got an answer which I thought was rather… normal? I’m not sure how to describe it; I’m sure my poor vocabulary isn’t helping to describe it either (something I should work on). It just wasn’t what I was expecting. It really made the issues more… realistic and practical, rather than this theoretical mumbo-jumbo it felt like in my head. Though it didn’t really give me a clearer idea. Which is probably the expected result since people aren’t the same in the way they think and approach things.

Though maybe it was just because it wasn’t what I had wanted to hear.

Which is really a silly thought.

If I wanted some kind of confirmation of a personal opinion, I could just ask my reflection.

That really did satisfy me a whole lot though. Just being able to break a little of the fixed, closed routine was a pleasant change of pace.

Something I really hope to get more of in the new year.

Maybe that should be a resolution for next year.

‘Spend more time doing something I enjoy, then trying to start doing something I enjoy.’

Sounds terrible.

But I like it.

Hopefully I see the IB guys again (or the ones I didn’t get to see [i.e: Patrick, Clay]) and the ‘gaming’ (loose term, I don’t think I’ve really defined them enough to use another word to describe them) group before the next term starts. I sure do think next term is going to be more challenging than this past school term.

But if the future wasn’t interesting, exciting or challenging I wouldn’t know why I would continue to face it.

A Look Back

IMG_1659

Haven’t posted anything in a while. So cheers to that. And to a self-taken picture post.

I should really start on that photoblog.

I am kind of getting back into a full on school schedule. I’m still working on it, even though it is about halfway through the term. Not exactly an ideal pace, but it could always be worse. No point worrying about it now.

I think some of my confidence in exams is being restored. After last years trashing, I didn’t really know what to think anymore.

Fall 2013 came in hard when I did poorly on my first series of mid-terms. I did place above average in most of them, but I’m not facing Leo’s of each respective topic, there’s no reason why having +2/3% above the average mark can be considered good. The worst part about last Fall were the finals. I’m pretty certain I choked really hard during every single one. Both Economic courses had plenty of indecisiveness and a lack of confidence in my answers. Math – I didn’t know anything, surprising considering most of the content (if not all) was covered before in IB. And Philosophy rounds out my pains with my inability to sustain my memory during an exam.

The next term was slightly better. Spring 2014’s mid-terms all went okay. Besides Observational Behaviour crushing my confidence with it’s high average (80%~), I felt I did decent to well on the rest (besides the first Psychology mid-term where I thought I only had to write 1 essay). The final was the most disappointing thing this term. Finals rained down (not even consecutively) and each of my marks seemed to fall much further than my imagined worse-case-scenario. I don’t even know how I managed to disappoint in both Psychology and Financial Accounting, considering that my pre-final mark was rather high.

I didn’t come into the summer term with high hopes. I had the goal, and requirement of hitting an A- on the single course I was taking. I stumbled on the midterm, managing 1 question from my goal. No worries though, was what I thought. I had to group project that was going very smoothly (and had great results!) and it was my sole Final. Of course, my final was a disaster. From a B+/A- all the way down to B-. That is at least 2 letter grades down. My hopes were much further down than just 2 standings though.

All I had wanted to do this term was be able to be consistent. I wasn’t pushing for any A’s (it’s unlikely I’ll get any this term anyways), but just for my final mark to be similar to my pre-final mark. I haven’t gotten anywhere close to accomplishing that, as it’s not even round 2 of mid-terms yet, but after getting some results from the courses I was worried about, I felt much better overall.

Though I really still do think my studying habits are pretty terrible.

Secondary school was still a more engaging place for me, in terms of retaining my knowledge. The weekly assignments and questions (though for the most part were gone in IB) forced me to keep up with readings, material and understanding. In university, it became more free roam. Seldom is there restraint of weekly questions that are graded. My time gets spent on other things. Sleeping, reading, learning about games, and then playing the games. My schedule would fail a check for consistent study time.

 

I’ve also seemed to find that my desire to blog has decreased more and more. It’s not that I have less things to say – to be honest I feel that I have more things to say than before – but maybe just a lack of need for a place to say them.

My blog has been, for most of the time, a place where I just relieve stress and complain about little to large things in my life. Maybe sometimes others’ life as well, but in general it has been a place to say things I could never find a way to say otherwise. I don’t think I’m much more open to conversation (definitely a little bit!) but I think it is mainly that I felt less of a need to say it. I’m okay with a lot more things now. From exam stress to unfortunate timing of events, to even personal negative discovery; they don’t bother me as much now (however I am bothered still by my lack of understanding on how to use a semi-colon and effect vs affect in actual situations – this one included). Reality has been a lot less painful, and a lot more enjoyable when some little things (and large things) stop bothering me as much. I’ve found less reason to dislike 5:45am wake ups, and Beedie’s terrible grading curve. More reason to enjoy the things that I do, and less reason to be bothered about the things I didn’t like to do.

Maybe this is what Dr. Gabbott and IB has taught me (besides the conditioned hate for the word ‘usage’). From the (notable smaller compared to others) large success to the large failures in those two years, I’ve found more reason to ‘keep on truckin’ than there was to give up. Every social life advice will always say something similar to that, and for good reason. There really isn’t anything that you can’t get over. Keep in mind that ‘you’ does not refer to physically only yourself! ‘You’ are also part of many other people, and they (usually!) be willing to help. However, that advice is also always ignored. When you’re in the dumps, it’s pretty hard (almost impossible) to see any way out, or that anything could be better. It’s also hard to just not give up and let it all wash away. Even if it takes a month, multiple months, or even multiple years, a way out of despair will eventually be found, but you can’t find it if you don’t look.

Man, I didn’t start this blog with any intentions other than just to review to myself how things have been going. I made it sound much better than it actually is (linguistics is hard), and Fall 2014 isn’t even over yet! I still have the harder half of the term to go before I can say that anything has conclusively changed.

Well one thing has changed. I’m having a little bit more fun than before.

Cheers.

Finale

My year end formal is on June 28th. It’s a year end dinner with an unofficial afterparty. Located in a very fancy restaurant, with an equally fancy theme to it.

Amazing event.
I wish I could attend.
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