Category: Uncategorized


Birthday Blog

For the first 4 months of the new school year starting with September, I felt a sense of freedom that I had never felt before. It was liberating having multiple days per week without class, having maybe 1 assignment per month, having no real attachment to the classes I was taking. These courses didn’t shackle me to live a routine lifestyle like previously, and this new sensation was exhilarating.

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2018

Year end group photo for the new year.

My 2017’s new year goals are here.

I have no words to waste so lets get started.

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Cowardice

Ayooo

Unrelated photo again.


Woke up a lot later than usually, so I decided that rushing to make the last 30

 minutes of my morning class wasn’t worth it.

The entire trip to campus, I was thinking about what to do about this iPhone. And how I would contact Bill. I’m not on league most of the time, so how am I gonna contact him? He deleted me off WeChat and probably doesn’t use Facebook at all. I could text him, but does he still have me on his phone? I’ll have to just try to find him on league, and at worst text him. Hopefully it doesn’t look too obvious that I’m trying to reach out to him because he has some family problems. He is supposedly very suspicious of people right now.

I kept thinking about this as I was walking to class. Not so I could go to class, but so I could sit around outside and wait for my Prof to leave before I walk into the same room for my following class. Awkward.

I’m almost at Henry Angus, until I see this person that looks like Megan. I haven’t spent much time thinking what to do if I saw her, and was pretty shocked. You know, in my head she had already graduated. It made sense to me, it’s been 4 years since high school after all.

I reacted slowly because my mind was pre-occupied, and because she was far away, I trailed her. The entire time I felt like such a fucking creep for doing that. In my head I was trying to justify it with “I’m just making sure it’s her.” So when I did end up confirming (as much as I can for someone who hasn’t interacted with the other for like 9 years), I had no clue what to do.

Well, I knew what to do, go up to her and ask her if she’s actually Megan, and if she remembers me. But in practice I couldn’t do it. 

It’s a bit funny, because I remembered thinking “I can force myself to talk to potential employers, talking to someone I actually know should be easy.” It did not go like that.

I did nothing.

I don’t really even know why I was so scared. Like… what? I’m just asking someone a question, the worst that could happen is that she says no and I apologise for taking her time. Like…what’s wrong with me?

Is it because it isn’t something I “have” to do, so I can rationalize it as something I am not required to do? Networking sucks so much more, but I view that as ‘necessary’ so I went ahead and did it. But this was definitely not necessary, and there’s no real way to trick myself into thinking that.

Man, I’m such a fucking coward. I’m overly hesistant to do things because I fear feeling embarrassed or doing something wrong. It should be fine to fuck up, but I can’t accept it. I can accept it for small things like assignments and stuff, where a mistake will lead me to improving later on. Though there has always been that feeling of “I should’ve known better” after noticing my mistake. 

Is it because I’m a perfectionist? I don’t even think that way of myself. I haven’t thought that way for ages. I’ve been shown reality through IB, that I definitely wasn’t. Mistakes happened to me all the time then. Then is it the environment I grew up in? My parents did always stress that I shouldn’t make mistakes. I was always chastised for anything I did wrong. Is that why I grew up thinking like this? I feel like a lot of my innate reactions can be kind of tracked to my childhood environment. This really scares me. It’s had been so long since then, and my parents are a bit different from then. And I personally believe differently as well. Then how come I’m still like this?

Sigh. If I ever have a child, I’m going to have to put some effort in to changing my tendencies so they don’t go through this. 

Next week, I’m probably going to ditch Wednesday’s class again. Just to see if I will be given another chance. Because something tells me that she isn’t there normally at this time.

A Throwback

Unrelated photos are my specialty.

I should be doing my presentation right now. In fact, I have Word open on my other monitor with some notes written.

I don’t have a script or anything prepared, but I’m okay with that… for now.

This is probably a little bit more important to me right now.

I mean, I can’t really make my presentation will completely distracted can I?

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Looks super cult-ish.

So it’s been some months (4 to be specific) since my last blog.

It definitely didn’t feel that long for me, but now that I’m realizing it is already October, I am back in reality.

So what have I been up to since June?

Well, let us find out!

In an anime, this is where the flashback scene would occur. Therefore…

F L A S H B A C K ! ! !

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Feeling forgetful

Unrelated photo is unrelated.

I woke up this morning thinking it was 6am, and went back to bed.

But then I slowly came to realize that my phone alarm was ringing and that meant it was 7, so I eventually got up after 10 minutes of it screaming.

Begrudgingly went and took a shower to try and wake myself you after a few hours of sleep, and then get ready to deal with stupid merges on the road.

Surprisingly there was little traffic on the road to school, and I got there pretty early considering the bonus shut eye I took. Someone up there took pity on me for driving while tired.

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A FG/O box

It’s been forever since I’ve used my phone to write any meaningful amount of text for a blog, so what am I doing at 12:30am doing what I have avoided for so long?

Good question.

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Your Lord & Savior

The title is based off this song.

I’ve had Lukas Graham’s album on my phone for a few months now. I’ve also heard this song so many times, and enjoyed it every time. It reminded me a bit of It’s a Hard Knock Life (I’ve never seen the movie), and the lyrics meant something.

For some reason today was different. While on my drive back from school, the song was the first to be played off my phone. The lyrics seemed to make me think about how it related to my life, and for the first time I really felt something.

I’m not trying to analyze a song or anything in this blog, so I guess this is where I briefly list the rest of the things I hope to hit during this post (in no particular order):

  • LCS Spring Finals
  • Computing Science Minor ???
  • CPA Recruit
  • Death of the private blog
  • Wanting to feel needed
  • Thoughts from the song
  • Alcohol
  • Summer plans?
  • 2017 goals update
  • Why people react negatively to other people’s words
  • Hiking
  • Photography
  • Relaxing
  • Being dependable
  • Sonic
  • Other unrelated thoughts

Yikes. I didn’t think there were that many small things.

Looks like I’m in for a long one again.

Side note, you’ll be seeing a lot of photos from LCS Finals & hiking cause that’s all I got. Maybe I’ll sneak in some Europe ones.

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Academic Struggles

 

I love photos of light & dark.

Still not a Europe blog.

Pretty sure that series is about the head down the same path my high-school recollection series is. That is, if it hasn’t already got there.

Doesn’t mean I can’t use pictures from Europe though! Not that I did here, hehe.

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The Secret CG for 100%-ing the game.

The Secret CG for 100%-ing the game.

I guess I should first apologize for having a spoiler before the usually “read more” cut-off.

But I don’t really care, it’s just a nice reward for playing their game, and not an actual story spoiler. Bite me.

I should start with why, after a bit over 5 years, I am making another post about this game.

Well, it’s because (like I promised 5 years ago!) that I would 100% this game.

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So I did.

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