Category: Events of the day


Sunglasses

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Summer’s over.

 

I really did not like them.

How they look on me.

How they distort the brightness of what I see.

How they are more of a fashion object that a tool.

 

But I’ve started to like these damn things.

Regardless of how they look on me, separately the glasses were always very pretty.

Their usage as sunlight protection is also good.

But their best quality – only for some pairs – is how large the frames are.

 

I’ve never been a fan of large rim glasses. But after having to wear a pair for some few years, I no longer hate them.

I just don’t like them.

But something about large rim sunglasses, or at least the pair I was given, is that they fully immerse my eyes in their frames.

I haven’t been able to see clearly without glasses for 10 years now.

I don’t even remember how it feels to not rely on correction lenses.

But these sunglasses. They really make me feel like as if my eyes were fine.

Their large dark lens hides the rims of the frame, making it feel like that I am not looking through a piece of glass, and that is a small pleasure I really enjoy.

I feel like my eyes were fine.

No near-sightedness.

No squinting eyes.

But good 20-20 vision.

Feels good.

Even if it’s all an illusion of my mind, I do not mind being fooled.

 

Small pleasures.

Big problems.

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An Eternal Summer

Free! Eternal Summer!’s episode 5 came out today.

I cried tearful empathized with Nagisa during this episode.

Yup.

Nothing else.

Nothing else in this day bothered me.

Not.

At.

All.

That would be a lie.

Continue reading

That’s a legitimate title. Don’t judge me.

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I started this blog by being pretty upset.

It was going to be a 110% salt blog.

Last minute save, I guess.

The last two days I have been struggle with course selection for the upcoming Fall term.

I’m at that point where I have to take electives (pay for them).

Well… more like only electives.

I took basically all my core/required courses for 1st and 2nd year last year.

And now I have to find about 6 courses that interest me and hopefully I can be decent at that don’t belong to the topics I want to pursue.

Nice.

One or two would be easy. Try some programming, some more psychology and then some digital arts or whatever.

Too bad I already did psychology last term.

And that because of a certain parental restriction (CANNOT TAKE COURSES FRIDAY, THANKS MOM) I can’t take any intro computer science classes, as they are always Monday/Wednesday/Friday classes.

Oh and that means I have to go to Surrey campus on Mondays.

Brilliant.

This set me up for some awkward scheduling.

With most courses being split between more than one day (and usually involving Monday/Friday), and usually being available in Burnaby… I effectively did not have a Monday or Friday to schedule courses with.

That means a 8am-5pm Tuesday and Thursday.

And a empty Wednesday.

I struggled to find courses that could fit my schedule… and at this point I still only have 4 courses (1 away from what I planned).

I was quite puzzled on what to do, so I consulted my parents (something I’m actively trying to do).

All that happened was that I was yelled at for not taking Business or Economics courses.

Not as if there were any left.

I had taken them all the previous year, and the remaining 1-2 courses I was already planning to take, thank you very much.

More yelling and screaming.

My mom, after a good year of explaining university credit requirements and graduation requirements, clearly did not understand something fundamental about university that I did.

And I had no idea what she didn’t get.

To me it was very obvious.

Need 120 credits to graduate.

30 a year.

4 years.

3 terms a year.

Summer term should be spent working/internship/vacation.

Therefore 15 credits a term.

Average course gives 3 credits.

5 courses a term.

Take required courses and electives when possible to  fulfill both the credit requirement and the Major’s course requirements.

Take optional Co-op program.

Graduate.

Simple.

Something about it didn’t make sense to her.

I would guess it would have to do with previous ‘knowledge’ of university from hearsay.

Something something quadruple major is normal.

Something something 10 courses a term.

Something something intern at multiple large corporations.

Something something 4.3 GPA.

Something something god damn impossible.

And all of that had one conclusion:

My son is worthless.

He can’t quadruple major. Hasn’t even managed to double.

He took 10 courses over 3 terms. He should have been at least triple that.

He spent summer term in school and not at an internship.

He does not have a 4.3 GPA. Hell, not even close to 4.0.

He thinks I have high expectations. Doesn’t he see this is all normal?

Well.

Today I shattered some of those misconceptions.

Quadruple major is not normal. Double is impressive.

5 courses is for some reason considered above average. Average is 3-4 courses.

Internships and Co-ops are usually for 3rd and 4th years.

4.3 GPA is god damn hard. (I admit I’m slacking here)

So after an hour of yelling/screaming/being annoyed my Mom finally understands something about university.

Maybe she’ll be able to give me some legitimate ideas now.

Not this ‘I don’t want to compare you to people, but so&so’s child finished their double major and makes 100k annually.’

And the follow up of:  ‘Now look at yourself and see what you can say about yourself in your defense.’

But the worst part was yet to come.

After a year of this pointless struggling, she says its my fault for my inability to explain things.

Lets clarify some things first.

1. I know my Chinese is pretty shit and communicating is hard (but you don’t understand English for shit either)

2. My mom cuts me off when I try to explain, and complete forsakes my explanation.

3. My dad understands me perfectly. Usually on my first attempt.

So why are you having so much trouble understanding a simple concept, and why is it always my fault for what seems like your lack of understanding?

I got really upset here.

I kinda yelled.

But there was no real point, I realized that halfway through and just cut off with a ‘it wouldn’t change anything’.

She retorted with ‘Stop yelling, you will bother the tenants.’

HELLO?

WERE YOU NOT THE ONE YELLING JUST MOMENTS AGO?

OR DO YOU LIKE TO CONVENIENTLY FORGET YOUR MISTAKES?

I brought it up.

‘Shut up.’

I…

How is this even my problem now?

I know pushing this matter would just make her more irrational and unable to be dealt with, so I left.

But it’s so infuriating.

I think I’m stubborn.

And I know which side of the family I got that from.

 

And there was the creation of this salt blog.

Then I had a discussion with a friend.

Something something everyone has their opinions.

Something something doesn’t mean it can’t be wrong.

Something something stubbornness.

There was a redeeming moment I guess.

I calmed myself down and kind of explained myself (I think…?) and  prevented some shameful outcries.

They let me off.

I was really grateful.

Not everyone is like that.

And then I got ‘cheered up’ by the most anti-cheerful person I knew.

At that point I could only really chuckle…

What position was I in that they tried to cheer me up?

I don’t really want to think about that.

Kind of embarrassing.

Just a bit.

A belief

Tonight I’m feel pretty down.

 

It’s been a while since I had the discussion of grades with my parents.

By a while, I mean like 2 months. Rounded up.

 

I feel like somewhere inside of me, I’ve accepted the fact that I will not achieve high marks.

Though I haven’t accepted that I give my all to studying, or school in general.

I understand that generally, 3.0 is okay.

Mediocre.

That’s something I have excelled at for the last few years.

Being mediocre.

 

Somehow, I still feel that I could be doing much better than this.

I don’t know when they feeling came about me.

Since I started secondary school? Since I made IB? Way before it?

I’m not sure.

I do understand that if I look at my scores objectively, I never have been an ‘A student’.

Even going back to elementary school I scored multiple B’s and seldom A’s.

Even during grade 7 camp, during one of their ice breaking games ‘ 2 lies and a truth’, I used ‘I have poor grades’ as my truth.

One of my friends commented that ‘He thinks B’s are bad.’

No one disagreed with him.

Not even me.

 

Either it was my upbringing.

An elementary school environment where my closest friends were the highest achievers (and they still continue this trend).

A parenting style that disallowed for non-A’s, even though I frequently did not achieve their standards (pretty much always).

A Chinese culture where everyone praises each others children, even if it’s not the truth.

 

Or my acceptance into programs I didn’t believe I would make it.

First Middle Years (Synergy).

Then Pre-IB.

Then IB.

I didn’t even pass IB.

Why do I even feel superior?

 

Also, me scrapping by ‘decent’ marks while not giving it my all (my belief), as well as making the passing cuts in extracurricular (life-guarding lessons when I’m terrible at swimming; violin exams when I only practiced the last 2 months) aided in this superiority complex.

 

Even now I still kind of believe that I am better than some of my classmates.

Even though time and time again objectively speaking they have proven to surpass me.

 

Maybe it’s not that I was always a mediocre type of student.

Maybe I was above average, but this complex of mine has brought me down?

Maybe this is the turning point in the story, where I suddenly become a better student?

Maybe I’m wishing too much and not actively pursuing.

 

If I was easily malleable, I would use this remaining half of the semester to conduct an experiment on myself.

Different levels of dedication to school work, measured by the time spent on school work (studying, making flashcards, doing additional assignments, pre-reading textbook, seeking additional help) and the level of additional activities I would do.

All the while keeping gaming/other activities time constant at 1 hour a day (or something), and that’s only if I have the time for it after the dedication of school work.

 

But I’m not malleable.

And I know the results.

 

But I don’t change.

Pity.

Or.

Recently I went out with some friends to badminton.

There should have been one more, but uh, slight technical difficulties (the clock must have been some hours behind) caused them to be delayed… for some time.

Yeah so we didn’t do much.

As expected.

But it was like a ‘gotta go regardless’ kind of thing due to certain circumstances.

My midterm is tomorrow too.

Man.

I am not prepared for that.

We went to lunch after that. Memory Corner. Cheesy.

I like it.

I have been wanting to go to there for a while now, just that the atmosphere and the design of the place has been changed so many times I didn’t really see a point anymore.

But we went today.

Check.

Then one left, kinda unwillingly(?) however, and we got a disc (magic!) and went to the park to ‘play’.

We did play.

Just not with the disc.

Anyways, that’s not what I had wanted to talk about.

So we sat around in some kind of religious cult circle, and then played… Truth or Dare.

GREAT.

Not something I like.

Someone starts by asking our scapegoat a question.

What do they think about me.

They said something about organizing.

All I could think was ‘pfft’.

I guess it’s relative.

I think I was on the receiving end next.

What do you like about her?

Man I wasn’t even given a chance to choose Dare.

Okay fine, Truth or Dare?

Easy! Avoid truth like the plague.

Damn it!

And then I had to run a lap.

Well I mean I did come out to badminton instead of swimming, so I did need some exercise (which badminton really did not give), so I guess that’s okay.

Some rounds go by, and a question I would have liked to ask (although slightly different) was asked by the scapegoat. Once again the scapegoat takes one for the team. What a hero.

Well, eventually the scapegoat gets the question again, and thinking I was safe, I went with the good old ‘Truth’.

Little did I know it was just a terrible trap.

Ugh.

In my defence, they prefaced the ‘Truth or Dare’ question with ‘UGH I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO ASK’, so I thought I was pretty safe.

Nope.

Wrong.

I suck.

It was 100% a bait…

I bet this was plotted while I was running that lap… scum.

So… yeah. Needlessly to say, I was presented with the same question that I did NOT want to answer.

I gave them a really bad reply. I guess it worked.

Not a guy.

Personality.

Man, you don’t give up do you.

And give me 3 things.

Are you allowed to change your request part way through?

This has to be against the rules of Truth or Dare…

if there were any.

Honestly though, I have never thought about this before.

I may have thought of generally what I like in people, but I never went to specific people. Especially her.

I didn’t have much to say.

I just laid back on the grass, put up my thinking cap and went to sleep. I mean work.

Didn’t find nothin’.

They pressured me quite a bit, and I relented and gave them more terrible answers.

Plays games. And something else I completely forgot.

I think one of them was so bad it count as a negative answer, so I had to give 2 more to replace that one.

I don’t even know what I said after that.

 

I went home and thought about it.

And you know what? I really don’t know.

I thought about how she acts.

Quiet.

Wouldn’t say humble.

Not what I’d call kind.

I guess she has a cute kind of personality. I can’t say what it is though.

I guess it’s a mix of immaturity and curiosity.

She’s kind of independent… I think? Decent with technology.

Lacking people skills though, something I, myself, am working on, so that’s forgivable.

I think the biggest thing is that I feel like I can relate to her.

Experiences, joys and troubles all feel very similar.

I guess that’s why I feel like this eh.

 

When they were able to recognize that I gave up on it, they pressed with another question.

No longer was it ‘Truth or Dare’, but now ‘Pester Kevin with this topic’.

Fun game ideas. I wonder who thought of this one.

Maybe I should give them a part of my mind.

Would you date her?

I think I gave them a ‘Maybe,’ answer. I said ‘Yes’ then ‘No’. I don’t think they understand what I mean.

I think I recently explained it to someone.

Would like to date and actually date are different things. Also, right now, I don’t feel particularly inclined for some relationship, however at the same time it’s not as if I wouldn’t. I guess if someone really ‘important’ rolls around then maybe. But I don’t think I could commit to anything serious, especially right now when I just want to be kind of ‘free’ and not held back by too much. School’s already there, and I’m not even at the end goal of a successful transfer, so I have to put that ahead.

I also just feel inadequate to be pursuing any sort of relationship.

Physically. Mentally. And career-wise.

Heh. At least I got this out of my head.

It’s been a nice day so far.

It’s enjoyable just to interactive with her.

I still don’t know what this kind of feeling is.

Family love? Or something else.

Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter.

That’s the best part about infatuation.

Writing

So yesterday I wrote a weird letter like thing because why not.

Also while writing it, all I could think was ‘I have no idea what I’m writing’.

I was obviously not prepared.

But I was also thinking ‘Why is my writing so god damn atrocious.’

And inconsistent.

I’ve been following the The Pen Habit for a few months now, and I have to say his writing has improved a lot.

In my opinion of course. It might not be such for you, or anyone else in the world, but for me I think it improved.

If not, then I must have been observing my own writing too much, it’s creating a contrast effect.

But you know, I’d like to learn how to write… more neatly.

I know, I know. There are other people out there who should be prioritizing being able to write legibly much more than me, but improvement is only done by comparing yourself to someone better. Also, I tend to think they don’t really mind, and that they take some pride in their code-like writing – something only they can decipher (I’ve tried to decipher some… it’s quite a challenge).

I googled ‘How to improve your handwriting’ and got a lot of results that were very… abstract and open-ended in their method.

‘Learn to love writing.’

‘Find something comfortable to write with.’

‘Ask someone for tips.’ (As if I’m not asking someone for help right now…)

‘Practice makes perfect.’

THANKS.

What I wanted to know were analysis, proper postures, and detailed aspects of writing, not generic ‘Don’t worry if you believe hard enough you can achieve anything!’ motivational speeches.

If I’m not motivated enough to change something I want when it gets hard, then I wasn’t ever going to change it regardless of how much I believed.

I should take a writing sample. Then come back in a year and see if anything has changed about my writing.

I’ll just use the font I made of my handwriting. I just hope I don’t delete it by next year.

I guess I’ll put it on Dropbox.

Hopefully I’ll still have space on my Dropbox next year. My 23GB of free storage expires sometime this October.

And then I’ll be able to write a better letter.

More focus on what I want to write (some of which I forgot) rather than focus on how I write.

Also, I’d like to say ‘Thank you’ more often.

Like in the letter.

Or in person.

So hopefully I can write prettier ‘Thank You’s in this year.

And in an unintentional way of doing so, thanks for the gift.

4:04 AM.

Besides the fact I have a draft research paper due in about 13 and a half hours, I really can’t figure out something.

Am I suppose to share troubles?

Do I want to?

Does anyone even want to hear this?

I understand people share their own to relieve stress, or get another opinion, and I’m find with people complaining to me.

Hell, I even feel a little bit special, being on the receiving end of something they might not tell another.

But when it comes to me tell others… it’s very different.

I feel that sharing troubles isn’t the best.

Why listen to troubles and empathize and sympathize, when I could share joys and humorous events?

Is joy and pleasure not superior to empathy and pain?

Some say I feel distant because of it, and I understand.

But I really feel that they do not.

 

Then there are people who just say

Tell me something.

Boy, way to put me on the spot.

If it was that easy to find something to tell you, the conversations would never stop.

If it’s going to happen,  it’s only going to happen sporadically.

But spring doesn’t bloom this flower.

Not much does.

Student Survey

So today (or actually a week ago, but I only bothered to look at my school email today) my university sent me a request to help take part of the ‘Canadian University Survey Consortium (CUSC) 2014 Survey of First Years Students‘. I wasn’t interested until it said that

By completing the questionnaire, you will automatically be entered into a draw to win one grand prize of a $500 Best Buy gift card or one of three $250 Best Buy gift cards.’

I’m so shallow.

So I am filling out this darned thing, and then it asks for my ethnicity.

f7e9ba1c12c3263080d985d885a2f4d7Really?

‘Black’ and ‘White’ are not ethnicities, thank you very much.

Even African, or hell, African-American (god forbid) is better than ‘Black’.

And this is the first time I’ve seen ‘White’ instead of Caucasian or something related to Europe (sorry my geography is too poor to try to explain).

Is this really an important survey?

There wasn’t even a complaints box where I could send them this link.

I would much rather fill in the ‘SFU Commute’ survey.

At least that actually matters to me.

Beta

People under value the follower.

In the Alpha dominated society we live in, followers – the beta – are pushed aside for leaders.

Leaders like JFK, Steve Jobs and Ghandi are more popularized than the workers, followers, and students of them.

Introverts, followers, betas and the like are disliked.

Why?

Since we have been all told to become leaders, what happens when we all become leaders?

Most leaders are charismatic, inspirational and challenging.

Would a leader follow a leader then?

Unless their goals align, it’s highly unlikely to be the case.

I believe that the follower is more important than the leader.

A leader by himself is not a leader. By themselves, a leader is only a person with a goal, but who doesn’t have a goal?

The first follower makes all the difference.

Compare a person with a goal, and two people striving towards a goal.

It’s a huge difference.

The second person makes the leader’s goal something that isn’t devoid to themselves.

They don’t even have to share the same goal, the second is someone who believes that their goal is realizable and worth it.

It promotes the goal/idea, and makes the goals seem sane to others. It’s effectively a recruitment offer to others saying:

Hey, this idea isn’t half bad.

And that gets the ball rolling.

Where would Ghandi be without the support of the masses?

Would Martin Luther King’s speech have the same impact without his followers?

Would the United States land on the moon without the assistance of the country?

Gets to you think.

Today I helped someone

After getting off my bus while returning home from class today, I helped someone.

I have to cross a small intersection after my bus drops me off before I can walk home.

Today however, there was a car looking like it was going to turn at that intersection.

However after multiple chances where the driver could have easily turned, I noticed that the back compartment was opened.

Something must have been wrong.

I started to wonder what was wrong.

The lights were flashing, but I could only see the left side lights. I had assumed the lights were the signal to turn.

Instead it was the signal to alert others that they had issues. And I shortly found out what those issues were.

The driver, a 50 some old Asian female came out and quickly asked me:

Can you help push?

I was confused. I didn’t quite hear what she said.

What?

Can you help me push?

I heard it this time, but I was unsure if I should help. I’m not sure how to explain it. It was like part of my brain was telling me ‘Don’t do it,’ while another part was saying ‘Go help her.’

My voice cracked when I said:

W-what did you say?

The lady growled at annoyance.

My battery is dead, can you help me push over there?

An old man, about 60 years of age, rushed beside me before I could respond and said

Help push her damn car!

We then both looked to see if there were any incoming traffic, and ran to push the car.

The light turned red as we got to the car, mainly because I had pressed the crosswalk button 2 minutes ago and this intersection was infamous for taking forever to turn red.

While pushing the car, all I could feel was shame.

While I might be helping her, my instinctive reaction was to not help and be a bystander.

And it felt bad.

It was as if God had given me a test, and I had just failed.

Something to think about as I started to wait out the 3 minute crosswalk light.