I finally thought I had gotten away from SFU’s Business 202 course about teamwork, communication, character development, personal strengths, and group inclusion.

And I was right.

Commerce 202 (UBC’s course) is a different beast.

A beast focused on resumes, cover letters, interviews, and general job seeking advice.

In fact the only real similarity between the two courses is the course code of ‘202’.

SFU’s is a much more group-oriented course that betters yourself through practicing real world skills, while UBC’s is a self-centered course to better your own chances through experience, and not development.

But what brings me to this blog tonight is there similarity – Personal Profiling.

God.

I.

Hate.

These.

So.

Much.

For BUS202, I actually went into the anonymous feedback reports and sent in a length (and pretty upset) form talking about the things I dislike about personal profiling, or whatever they want to call it. Giving myself a label in a world where everything you do deems you worthy of a label (be it good or bad) is entirely useless and only serves to further restrict your thinking to whatever the expectations are for someone with that label. For example, someone with the label as a slacker is expected by others to show up late, borrow and lose equipment, not study for exams, and copy homework. Giving someone that label just makes them more likely to work within that boundary. It’s like a negative view of the self-fulfilling prophecy. Fake it ’til you make it – except you don’t get to choose what you’re fakin’.

But that’s a different post.

COMM202 made me do a personal profiling questionnaire called ‘StrengthsQuest’, different from the SDI colour-scheme BUS 202 used. Different, but not really.

Similar to SDI, I’ve been delegated ‘themes’ or ‘strengths’ that essentially say I’m a ‘people person’. No, that doesn’t mean I’m suited for HR, Business Relations, or any of that public speaking nonsense, but just that I’m more attentive and focused towards the needs of others and the group’s cohesion. This is opposed to leadership traits, or traits of an organizer, or influencer (which is kind of a vaguely defined position).

And in a way, I’ve slightly come to accept this. It’s not exactly the kind of person I wanted to be 7 or 8 years ago when I started my blogs, nor was it the kind of person I wanted to be last year, or the year before that. But I’ve comes to terms with some of it. Right now, I am that kind of person described.

That doesn’t mean I won’t be the kind of person I wanted to be say 5 years down the road, nor does it say I will be the same person I am now 15  years later.

It only says who I am right now.

And I guess that both limits and assists me in developing as a person. It limits me by making me think of myself within that frame of character, and acting towards that expectation, but also assists my development as I are more aware of my current weaknesses and will be more likely to improve them. I hope.

I’ve also been thinking about why I wanted to have the traits I don’t have (eg: ones in the title). Is is a case of the grass being greener on the other side? It’s likely I’m only seeing the positives of those traits by focusing on times in my life where having a shortage of those skills caused me grief. Yet I don’t consider the times where my current skill-set has caused me joy. It’s a bit of a pointless discussion, as there’s never going to be a person who is ‘perfect’ in all areas. To be perfect in all areas is to be mundane in all of them. I mean, if everything is amazing, then everything is the same – and therefore no longer amazing. But skills are always relative to others. If you’re better than others in all areas, that doesn’t mean you don’t have errors of your own, nor are you the best in those areas. You just haven’t met enough people. To be free of errors is impossible, for that is an aspect of being human (something something previously referenced article).

But a part of it is just the culture of North America. A strong focus on individualization and self-righteous attitude. Dominate, opinionated, and confident workers are more highly sought after than the patient, reserved and thoughtful kind. A will to be as the world wants – trying to meet the expectations of companies and hiring managers.

Finally, there’s the idea that the regrets I’ve had so far could have been resolved if I wasn’t lacking in these areas. I wouldn’t feel regret about missed opportunities, as I would’ve gone for them if I were more outspoken and confident. I wouldn’t have suffered from (personally perceived as) awkward silences (though I understand not all silence is awkward) because I would’ve been proactive and engaging. But they’re all just an excuse for something I could’ve done differently. I don’t like accepting the fact I’ve failed, even thought it’s perfectly obvious. The first step of recovering from denial is to accept the fact that you are indeed in denial.

I guess what really spurs me these days is to become someone society perceives as ‘better’ in order to achieve personal goals. Personal goals of academic success, financial success, personal success, romantic success, and all that mumbo jumbo has become much of who I am, and what I live to do these days. No longer do I really go through days of school in order to clear time for League of Legends, Maplestory, and so on, but now for the feeling of satisfaction and happiness when I’ve done something I wanted to accomplish. Something like going out with friends, playing something I don’t normally play, enjoying the company of others, supposed improvement of a skill, observing additional aspects about my life, and becoming more open with my thoughts & feelings, are all things that could bring happiness, satisfaction, enjoyment and pleasure.

On a much less serious note, I’m basically recovered from my cold, which comes at the unfortunate timing of being after my planned events. Oh well.

Maybe I’ll just make more plans.

I look forward to them anyways.

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