It’s the summer semester of school now.

Right now, I have a bit of motivation in terms of what I want to do, and where I want to start putting effort into it.

These next few weeks, I’ll try to focus on health. It’s embarrassing for me to say what I am specifically looking to improve, as some of these things should be considered normal.

I will say, I’m going to try to actually use this floss I keep being given by the dentist. It may serve some use.

I’m not sure why I’m blogging right now.

School’s just started, so there’s not a lot of work for me to do. In fact, the only ‘homework’ I have right now is to read this 48 page article about the failure of Indian banks regarding their loans. I could work on my co-op application, which my parents have been giving me grief about. Which brings me to something I’ve been thinking about recently, the lack of control I’ve had over major life decisions.

There’s this quote from Oscar Wilde (I think it is from him?) that goes like this:

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

I’m only really looking at the first part here. Even though I’m not exactly a female, I feel very much like my parents, my mother especially, try to shape me in the way they want me to be. In turn, it makes me think of why do they want me to be that kind of person? If it’s such a good thing, why can’t you be like that instead of making me fulfill your dream?

Of course, parents care for their child. ‘I’m doing this for you’ and similar statements aren’t used often because people like to lie, but because it’s actually true (in most cases). But at the same time, it’s is just as much for them as well. Common place in Asian households, the term ‘face’ (as most English users seem to call it) is very important. It pretty much determines your social standing and the amount of respect you garner, and in turn it shapes your circle and contacts, which in Chinese culture will almost guarantee you an easy path of entry into the work force. So much of it is to put up a confident and amazing front to others so that you can hear their praises afterwards. Of course, my family is plenty guilty of this. While it is a bit better now, it’s still a very present force. 5 years ago, my parents would constantly tell me about how so&so’s child got accepted into Ivy League university, or that they’re making $100,000 a year as a new graduate. That alone tells me the kind of circle my parents are in. High achievers.

Although there’s always the consideration that all of the negative things are never spoken, and how all of the positive aspects are over-emphasized. No one talks about the 4 years the child spent getting a high enough SAT score to meet the entry requirements. No one mentions that they spent and extra year in secondary school to improve their grades. No one reveals the amount of money they’ve donated to the university as a way of saying ‘Thanks’. These things are never said.

In fact, family are especially guilty of this.

My mom used to tell me she was a BeiDa university graduate, and that my dad was a QingHua (I think in English they call it TsingHua) University graduate. Those two universities are basically the best two in China.

My dad’s academic background is correct, but it wasn’t until last year that I was told that my Mom did not go to BeiDa, but instead some university that merged with BeiDa some years after she graduated. Technically it means she graduated from BeiDa, but not really.

It really makes me think that many of the things I’m being told are to encourage me (in an non-encouraging way) to try harder and achieve greater academic success.

Partially for my own benefit, as it is easier to get a good job out of school if you are the top student in your discipline, but also partially for their benefit so they can tell their friends all about my successes in order to look better.

I don’t even know where I am going with this blog anymore, it hasn’t even been that long since I started this, and I already have lost what I wanted to say.

Regarding some of my health goals this semester, I’m going to try (which means it’s not guaranteed!) to use the gym 1-2 times a week. Although as of now, I’m not decided on which gym I’m going to ask for access of, Surrey or Burnaby. For Surrey, I’ll be able to spend some of seven hours of break time I have on Tuesday doing something and not being late for class (which for that specific class, is very punishing). On the other hand, I visit Burnaby more often than Surrey, and therefore I will have more chances to force myself to go (it’s pretty hard for me to justify going on a 15 minute walk at home, it’s going to be even harder to persuade myself to transit 1 hour or more for gym access. I wonder if I can just get access to both and pretend I didn’t know I was only allowed one… but that is dishonest.

In fact, if I really wanted a convenient gym to use, there is a damn community center with a gym just a 15 minute walk away from where I live. It’s just across the nice park that I always ‘want’ to walk around. I could just go there and use theirs (albeit it costs money)! Sigh.

Right now I’m just mainly focused on the other personal hygiene/health goals, it’s hard enough for me just to consistently follow through with them. I’m hoping that after a month or two it will become a habit and will seem weird to go a day without doing them.

Also, my thumbs have been in pain the last week or so. Not only pain, but also kind of hard to move them properly, and they end up being pretty bothersome. It’s hard to move to back towards the back of my hands, maybe there’s an issue here. For now I’m just gonna hope that it’ll be fine by next week.

I have school bright and early tomorrow, so I better get to bed.