It’s been a frustrating 24 hours.
It is getting to me.
The last 12 hours I really couldn’t make smart choices.
Hell, I couldn’t even speak properly.

I feel more constrained by my values than by my actions.

I can’t explain it.
Or be bothered to try.
Maybe it is pent up dislike of this cruel world.
Maybe it is built up disdain for the things that have conspired.
Maybe it is some sort of male post menstruation syndrome.
Maybe it is normal.

Whatever it is, I hope it fades soon.

Though fading isn’t a resolution, it is just avoidance.

But I really can’t sleep.

I’ve been on this bed for maybe a good 2 hours.

I just can’t.

It doesn’t help that my recent actions have been out of line, nonsensical, and much too emotional.
Nor do the recent events outside of my control help.
Is a 24 hour notice so hard?
Not only for these things, but for these feelings too.

It also doesn’t help that Last Game is so very relatable. 10 years may not be equal in length to 3, but the same type of pain and frustration exists.

God, anything unrequited is terrible.

Unrequited love.
Unrequited trust.
Unrequited need.

There’s no one to divulge these terrors to.

There’s never that feeling of safety ib anyone anymore.

The only one who did give off those vibes, is someone whose position relative to mine has kind of changed.

Not a metamorphosis change, but an intensity change.

She really as right about someone who you can spill pains to. Someone close is never good. It is always someone far that succeeds.

I guess I’m not cut out for a relationship, eh.

How are they going to feel if it is only a one-sided dialogue.
Not happy, that’s for sure.
But it will never improve if I can’t donate these bundles of emotion away.
Making it more unlikely of acceptance.

A feedback loop.

Funny how the one who is so far, is the one I wish was so close instead.

I don’t even know what the original purpose of this was.

I don’t even care.

I just needed someone, or something to deliver it.

I hate Fridays.
It is the worst part of my weekend.