University has been pretty nice.

Less work.

Less stress.

More time.

But my parents have just gotten stricter.

More work.

More stress.

Less time.

I slept late on Sunday, then slept late on Monday.

Was incredibly tired on Tuesday.

Too much work.

Too much stress.

To little time.

I fell asleep on the bus home.

I missed my stop by a few blocks.

Decided it wasn’t worth waiting in the cold at 6pm for another bus, so I just walked home.

Walked over a small bridge in darkness that made me think it was midnight.

I had been a long time since I felt this grungy. An accumulation of stress from school, home and expectations of myself had gotten me pretty upset.

And it was Tuesday. I can’t even play games in peace to release stress. I’m only allowed to play on weekends. Playing games on the weekdays just created more stress – “Am I going to get caught?” “Is my Alt-Tab set on Youtube or Windows Word?” “Are they opening the door?”

Started to hum a song. Haven’t been able to sing aloud for a while. The tenant is always home, I can never sing without feeling awkward.

That shows a lack of confidence, regardless if it sounds good or not, I feel pressured to not sing when there is a presence of people.

Says a lot about how little I’ve really changed.

I ended up singing while walking over a small, dark bridge. Many cars went by, blocking out my sound – perfect.

It was really relieving.

Stress.

Relieving.

I look forward to doing it again.

 

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