Finale ended last week.

Graduation ceremony is next week.

The ‘prom’ is shortly afterwards.

And time seems to flow by normally.

 

It’s at an ending point like this, that I really want to scream.

No scream in agony or pain.

Or regret and disgust.

But of relief and pressure.

There’s not enough time left for me to share what I feel I need to say.

Especially to the people I’ve grown to love over the years.

Even if I did, it’s too hard to say it.

That’s where the internet becomes pure gold.

It’s the perfect medium to transfer what I’ve wanted to say to somebody, without it being awkward for me during the delivery, or them forgetting and ignoring. It’s hard to ignore when there’s multiple paragraphs sent to you by the same person who’s sending them to others.

Sadly, it’ll show to other’s as well. No privacy!

But that’s perfect. I’ll type everything I want to type. Even if I feel restricted, that is the perfect pressure to help me break of this ‘turtle shell’ as Zack called it.

The good old ‘like this status for a tbh’ fad has come to use.

I sit here hoping that certain people like it, so I have an excuse to give them a brutally honest and heartfelt reply, before I forget in a few days/weeks/months/years.

Some of these things are things I’ve wanted to say for a long time. It’ll be the most relieving experience I’ve had over the last few years.

I didn’t feel anything during Finale, and I was supposed to. Probably won’t for Grad or ‘prom’ (it’s called Grad Dinner-Dance but screw that!) either. This will probably that moment for me.

It’ll be like in grade 7 grad when we talked about Tim moving away.

And me not saying anything.

It’ll be like in grade 3 when Joey left for China.

And me not saying anything.

It’ll be like Grade 9 summer where I took the first two steps past the point of no return.

And I returned, shamed.

It’ll be like the final day of NSLC, where I wrote out all my feelings of separate pieces of paper.

And I didn’t give them to anyone.

Instead I hope this time I succeed. I’ve failed too many times for this to end up as a failure once again.

I can only hope that at the end, the people I to scream at the most press those hands.

And if they don’t….

maybe I’ll give them a ‘TBH’ anyways.

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