The last 7 days have been kinda full with birthdays.

Even the next 7 days and the 7 days before last week were full too.

Geezus, there are just too many in April, and just as many in May.

How am I suppose to find those gifts ‘n package ’em with exams? :c

Especially since some of them I’ve had ideas for them for a long time.

And then not acting on these ideas until maybe a week before is totally going to screw me over.

Maybe I’ll send a ‘filler’ gift, then send the real one after exams.

But that is totally a dick move. Even if they don’t know about it, I’ll still feel like shit.

Just yesterday (22nd) and today (23rd), were two friends birthdays, back to back.

The first one, I feel like a terrible person because I wrote it in my agenda, and I’ve literally know this date for at least 6+ years now.

AND I STILL FORGOT.

At least I repaired that today.

He looked so thankful, and I just felt even worse.

Then the second one I’ve been trying to think of a present for them for the past week, but I got nowhere.

The only one place I did get to, was closed, shut down and gone.

That makes me sad.

The present I did give was something I had purchased during the Christmas gifting season, meant to give it to someone, but never had an opportunity, so that never happened.

I managed to make the gift work, but damn do I feel like shit for trying this meta-regifting stuff.

FEELS.

LIKE.

SHIT.

 

There’s this other side of me that tells me I did well, I tried hard, thought about it, and made things happen.

I think it’s just me making excuses to hide how I feel.

But behind all the sorrows, excuses and capitals, I can’t shake off the feeling that I’m only caring this much because mine is soon.

I don’t expect anything, or I don’t want to expect anything. One has a clearly more self-depressing feeling behind it, but they both mean close to the same thing.

I feel like I’m only doing this to make other people feel guilty. That’s some next-level kind of wicked brain games.

I don’t even want to delve more into, just makes me feel like crap.

 

Maybe I should forsake social interactions, then I wouldn’t have to deal with all this psychological brain frying craze.

But then I’d be lonely, and end up frying my brain without the psychological craze.

Seems like a bleak alternative.

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