Last day. Regretful.

But unlike yesterday, there was nothing positive about this.

Wake up at 8 and think ‘Oh crap, 3 am last night was not worth it.’ Then proceed to get dressed and go eat breakfast. Normal morning.

Had a session called ‘What’s Next?’ It was a powerpoint presentation led by Mr.D. He talked about NSLC Alumni, NSLC Scholarships for schools, Advanced Leadership and Medicine, and the Alumni Service Trip.

And how it doesn’t end here.

That’s the difference between what I think, and what Nitor thinks.

He thinks that after today, everyone is everywhere, and it will be an ending.

But I think of it as another day as friends. You don’t have to see all your friends everyday to be friends. If that was a requirement, I would pretty much have no friends. Hehe.

I hope to still be friends with Jack, Alex, James, Jose, Johnathan, Obai, Michael, Sarah, Nitor, Luke, Amanda, Olivia and Madi (today I learned it is spelt this way and not ‘Maddy’. WHOOPSIE).

Maybe more.

Hah.

Then it was the TA meeting, Final Farewell.

We just filled out NSLC forms.

Constructive criticisms, what we thought, the scholarship (in which I wrote Dr. Gabbot as a teacher they should talk to about it), and stuff.

Then Tony gave us a folder, it contained certificate, and proof that I accomplished this.

Apparently, this also counts as 15 hours of service (service hours). Even though we did a max of like 4 hours of service. Hah.

But in total we did 62 hours of work. Apparently. Sleeping, eating, and bus rides don’t count apparently.

I guess that’s one long term CAS activity. I think it’s Action, or Creative, or Service, if I BS well enough. That just means it’s everything.

I didn’t do it.

I tried to find excuses.

I tried.

I didn’t find any.

But I still didn’t do it.

I hate myself.

So much.

Right now.

If Patton were to make my EE comments personal, I would flat out agree with her, and then add more.

On a scale 1 to 10, 10 being the very extreme of self hatred – suicide, I would be an 8.

On a NSLC scale of 1 to 10 of hatred being felt, I would be a 42.

If it was a scale of risk from 1 to 10, I would be -6.023×10^23.

I

Hate

Myself.

Now that I’ve not done it, I’m instantly thinking of ways I can try to do it, while making an excuse to go along with it.

I hate that more.

I’m thinking along the lines of “Hey, I’m the kind of person that needs time to plan out my thoughts, and because I regretted saying like nothing for the compliment shower, I wrote my thoughts out.”

But there’s also the fine print.

“Hi, to be honest I stayed up to 3am writing these because I felt super, super guilty that I didn’t say anything, and planned it out so when Tony would say some kind of concluding thing, I’d be like “HEY WAIT” and hand them out then explain myself. But in reality I just sat there quiet throughout the entire thing, and felt like shit afterwards.”

Oh.

Well.

As long as they don’t know about the details, they will believe my lies.

Why? Because they trust me.

And that really makes me sad.

A sad, sad panda.

Or geese.

Since I’m Canadian.

Also, if I didn’t mention it yesterday, there’s another Canadian in NSLC.

Just not in leadership.

Me and her are the only 2 Canadians out of the entire 350+ NSLC students. That surprised me. Nitor came from Cambodia, so I thought there would be at least more than 2 Canadian kids.

I think her name was Charlotte.

I think she said she lived in Montreal. Or somewhere close to here, I forget.

And that makes me feel like shit.

She introduced herself out of nowhere yesterday as I was about to enter the MPR for the ‘Bop’. Super strange. She just apparently knew. Or maybe she talked with other NSLC Mast. kids and they said that they have a Canadian when she said she was one. I don’t know.

Well, I saw her again today as I was checking out to get rid of the key. The swipe card and lanyards they gave to us. Because I forgot where she was from and almost who she was (this makes me feel super bad), I assumed she was taking a plane back. I’d make the excuse that it was because I was too focused on writing stuff for the Guilt Shower, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t remember her even if I wasn’t focused on that.

Sigh.

She said that she was being driven back. 14 hours on the road.

Dang, girl. That’s a long time.

She left at 12pm, so she’d get back at around 2am.

I get home at 1am.

After the Pulsefire Ezreal sale ends.

I hate this world.

Oh well.

I forced Michael to clean the room up.

“CLEAN YOUR ROOM.”

Tony laughed.

I did too.

Then I just chilled out at the second floor lounge until 1:40, in which I had to go.

Said goodbyes, hugs and sad faces.

Trying to sneak by Jose, as well as Sarah.

Typical Syrian.

Got on the bus to Reagan National.

Goodbye, Oakland Hall.

Everyone I knew was going to Baltimore Airport.

That.

Sucks.

Oh well, solo riding all the way.

Airport is small, and weird.

Dropped off at the domestic flights gate. Literally the farthest possible place from the International Gates.

Currently I’m outside Gate 3, Air Canada’s gate. The internet here is horrible.

Slow.

As.

Hell.

I’ve never seen internet this slow.

It takes around 15 minutes to load 1 page on facebook.

And it took me 30 minutes before I could actually connect.

Sigh.

The DC Trials shuttle bus’ internet was much better than this. That was like a god send. This is like a terrible, terrible joke.

I can’t believe it’s 4/5 bars too. HORRIBLE.

I’m not going to be able to get Pulsefire Ezreal on this internet.

I doubt I’ll be able to get it by the time my flight comes, which is at 6:15 pm.

2 hours away.

I can’t even use this internet to send a message. How sad.

I should just give it up and go buy a drink then sleep.

But I can’t, internet is internet, no matter how slow it is.

I just gotta hope that Toronto Pearson International has better internet.

It was enjoyable.

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