I did this for my English class’ novel. Each student does a chapter, with a focus. My focus is comic relief.

I think reading it without the information about the previous chapters is nice. Maybe the only thing you really need to know is that I’m not a great novelist, nor am I decent at humour.

Then again, it probably is more humorous if you know about what my class (and all IB English 11 classes at my school) have done so far.

But I must warn you, I take this piece as the worst thing I’ve written so far.


– Secrets –

“W-what?!” questioned the servant. “Why didn’t that work…?”

“One does not simply shock a dragon,” breathed Krakonaw. “Especially a lightning dragon such as myself.”

The servant stood in shock, as if such a feat was impossible. Slowly, he began to regain control over his body, and spat out, “D-d-dragons can talk?!”

The silence that followed allowed anyone to hear the small sound that emitted as Krystof’s hand quickly came into contact with his forehead. “You bumbling idiot! What have you been listening to all this time when I had – never mind.” Krystof prevented himself from finishing when he felt a gust of wind go by him at a startling speed.

Ruzena sat on top of Krakonaw, beaming in delight of her large companion’s handiwork. “Sorry Uncle, it looks like I might have been involved in the creation of that… human shaped hole behind you,” Ruzena said while pointing behind Krystof. Her smile grew exponentially in size as she watched Krystof slowly turn his head around to see a human cutout in the wall of the sacrificial chamber. “I guess you’ll just have to sacrifice aesthetic pleasure in your sacrificial chamber.” She said, emphasizing the word sacrifice, as if trying to push a pun.

“M-my wall!” screamed Krystof, “how dare you damage my beautiful, rustic, and stone wall?!” His voice echoed throughout the large, spacious room. He stared at Ruzena, and he stared hard. “You freeze me in time, ruin my sacrifice, mock my potency, damage my sacrificial chamber – and what’s your reason? I stole 2 rings. Two measly little rings.”

Ruzena was taken aback by the sudden anger that flowed throughout Krystof. She bent to back to lower herself closer to Krakonaw as Krystof continued on with his rambling.

“Have you never, in your entire life in Vancouver played the fascinating game by Mojang called Minecraft?!” Krystof yelled in blind fury, “Have you never felt that immense boiling hatred when a creeper follows you into your house, and whispers “That sure is a nice house you have there, shame if anything were to happen to it” before exploding and destroying that ‘nice house’?!” He stopped his ranting and looked at Ruzena, as if expecting a reply.

“I-I… well… uhm…” Ruzena stammered, unable to form a coherent sentence.

“Do you know how long it took me to build this darn room?” Krystof bellowed, once again continuing to drone on. “I’ll have you know that I did my math, calculated the angles of the walls, made sure the ratio of length to width was equal to the golden ratio, and even that the surface area for each face was Pi are square!”

“Uncle…,” Ruzena began to say, “You realize that ‘Pi*R^2’ is to solve the area of a circle, not for a square…”

Silence. A long, drawn out silence.

It was broken by the quiet snickers slowly slipping out of the remaining servant’s mouths.

“Q-quiet you fools!” Krystof shouted with his rosy red cheeks. “Stop laughing and capture Ruzena right this instant!”

The servants, as if finally remembering their original goal, quickly formed a line in front of Ruzena, separating her from Isaac and Krystof. They slowly but surely moved forward, decreasing the distance between them and Krakonaw. The sound of the metallic blades scrapping against their scabbards brought the tension to an even higher level. When the distance had become close to three meters long, the servants stopped. Positioning their blades posed to wreck havoc upon the dragon’s mighty skin, the servants all rushed head first towards Krakonaw. But despite their most valiant efforts, a single swipe sent all four of the servants crashing into the wall.

“Sorry Uncle, I don’t know what’s wrong with me today, I keep damaging your walls,” Ruzena smirked. “I hope those new dents won’t be much of a problem.”

“Why you-“

“You know Uncle Krystof, I think you were jealous of my father.”

“What?” Krystof laughed, “Why would I be jealous of that scum?”

“Because he had my mother.” Ruzena replied. She slipped off Krakonaw’s back and landed in front of Krystof, with only the slab Isaac was still attached on separating them. “You were alone, isolated. I bet you felt insanely jealous of my father when he was married. Even more so when you found out that he had moved to Vancouver. You dove deeper and deeper into depression, and when you found out that he had children, Zaneta and I, you broke.”

“S-shut up!” Krystof coughed. He was sweating profusely, shaken by the words that he had heard.

“You spent the next few years creating this secret cult, planning to use its power to ruin my father’s life. That was the plan, until you discovered the rings.”

“How do you know this?!” demanded Krystof, visibly distressed.

From behind her back, Ruzena revealed a book. “I found this in the same room Zaneta and I snuck into during the first night here.” She dusted the cover of the book, allowing dust to soar through the intensifying atmosphere. She held up the book, allowing the golden, reflective scripture to shine in front of Krystof’s eyes.

Krystof’s eyes widened when he saw those letters. He understood immediately that there were two things that must be done: retrieve that book, and make sure no more people hear of this. Somehow he had to swing the situation into his favour. Then he smiled, for he had just the idea.