It made sense though, I wasn’t in the right room at the right time.

Plus, I’m not a persuasive nor soothe improv talker who can get their way out of trouble. I just accepted it and walked out.

“Do you have artwork to do?”

Actually I do, just not in this room, really. I have many at home, one or two in my bag – just not my camera bag. I have two in my head, they just can’t seem to be transcribed into paper easily. I was never good at that, what my teacher called – creative art. Basically that was anything that I had to think about and draw myself, without any references. I was never one to prefer reference-less art, I always felt that it wouldn’t look right, the proportions would be wrong, and that I wouldn’t be able to do it justice.

Though, even with a reference, I make tons of mistakes.

Which made me less inclined to do such ‘creative art’.

IB art has a sketchbook. They are required to fill up pages of that sketchbook with either art, pictures or research on a artist or a style of art. The first thing I thought of, when Ms. Smedley told my Science 10 class about this was  “God damnit, I really wanted to take Art IB, but if I have to do creative art, I won’t.”

Sigh. Art seems kinda fun. Though the idea of the class being composed of…. 7 or 8 grade 11 students, and then just as many grade 12 students…. depresses me. Is art really that underwhelming a course to take? Or are the sciences just that much more interesting than art.

I find art more interesting, but I take science instead. Triple science, if you count Psychology. Quadruple if you count summer school biology. Neither of which I do.

Art is has way more freedom than any velocity formula, chemical mixing or dissection. Instead of sitting in class, listening to quantum theory, you spend the time being… ‘creative’ – something I am terrible at.

Maybe it’s because artist’s are all portrayed as poor, dirty and left behind. Though they are also portrayed as the only ones that love what they do, unlike others. It’s a hard thing to balance the joy of being able to do work that you love, and being able to put food on the table at a consistent rate. Not all art majors have to take that path, however. There’s always the option of doing graphics design and working for a company. The independent dA artist path isn’t too bad either. With enough work and content, it’s possible to make a living from it. There are many options for art, yet it is always overlooked.

Yet, whenever someone asks me if I ever want to pursue photography professionally, my reaction is always one of surprise.

I have already built what seems to be a wall between myself and my willingness to pursue a profession in the arts. Fine arts, to be exact.

This doesn’t come as a surprise to me, but what does is how I contradictive I am about this. I praise and try my best to show others that there’s more to art than just being an independent artist and hoping to become famous like Piccaso. Yet, I myself do not believe such tales I tell.

It’s not that I dislike photography, or have another passion which is greater, it’s just that…

I don’t think I can make it.

I think that’s the crux of the decision process for a lot of people.

Can I succeed with this job? Do I have to ability? Am I skilled enough?

The saying “There is always someone better” comes into play here.

I for one, don’t think I can neither succeed, nor have the ability or skill.