DO NOT WORK FOR ME.

It’s like an overflow error, just doesn’t make sense.

They are a foreign concept to me.

I’ve heard that there are 2 ways of accepting such horrible things.

The western way, and the eastern (mainly European, but I wouldn’t know for sure).

Western is to accept the compliment, and the optional step to boast about it.

The European is to deny such a thing by pointing out a flaw, and the optional step is to compliment the other in return (or revenge).

I think I take the European way.

Either that, or the “pretend-nothing-happened way”. Ignore it, and continue with whatever was happening before.

It’s a weak way out, but hey, I don’t have to deal with such horribleness.

I’ve tried to do the Euro. and it’s damned hard. I just can’t manage to think of something to counter it fast enough.

A compliment scares me.

I do everything with the expectation of failure.

It makes accepting the failure easier, if it occurs.

And thus, there’s less nervousness occurring going into it. Sure, it might set a bad undertone, and predicting my own future, but god damn does it make life easier.

However, this backfires too often. When faced with a challenge where I really, really don’t want to fail, the expectation of failure further drives the nail into the wall. Sad thing is, that case is happening right now. In so many different things at once.

A compliment trashes my beliefs.

It makes me think that other people have expectations of me.

I’m a self-concious person, the opinions of others way surpass my own opinions. I’ll succumb to peer pressure easily, and fall prey to stereotypes just as fast.

That expectation makes me nervous.

“What if I screw up? Will their opinion change? Will I be rated lower than before?”

Then perfectionist attitude comes along and lands the final blow.

“This is slightly off. WE’RE GOING TO FAIL.”

“What if this happens?! NEED TO ACCOUNT FOR ALL ERRORS.”

“WHY CAN’T I CONTROL THIS?!”

Ugh. Not the best feeling in the world.

It just makes things go from bad, to worse and then to hell.

Blood

-y.

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