We’ve been through this before.

This talk of suicide, and running away.

Just… don’t.

I tried.

That’s all I can boast about now, that I tried.

I can’t say that I’ve saved anyone, or helped them at all.

God do I feel powerless, weak, horrible.

Just a day ago I was at the zenith of happiness.

I swore, I swore and I swore (In my head, my mother is 5 meters away). But that doesn’t help.

I think I did tear some hair out, no amount of psychotherapy knowledge could help me here.

I…. just feel weak.

How are IB students, no, how am I suppose to make the world a better place, if I cannot even help this one friend?

It’s not shounen manga, where it’s a physical threat, and the protagonist has some amazing strength to defeat the evil.

This is reality. Much different from the sappy-cheesy battle stories of manga or anime.

No amount of “How to help ________” does me any good. I’ve thought about them, I’ve stated them, but nothing changes.

How the hell do therapists actually help people? They can talk to someone, offer advice, kindness, and all that good stuff, but in the end, it’s worthless is it not? There is no point if that person will not change. If they don’t change their way of thinking, how will anything get better?

Especially when you try to reason. You make them promise not to commit suicide, cut themselves or take drugs. Then at the crucial moment when the whole argument is founded upon the basis that they will keep their promise at whatever the cost, they tell you, “I guess I lied.”

I hate this feeling. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

The sense of being helpless, and being able to do nothing, but just watch.

Is this the case with most patients of such therapy? Where they go to therapy and then one day, give up all hope of it?

How do the therapists feel? Knowing that they cannot help them anymore? Do they feel the urge to continue trying? Or do they just tell the patient’s guardians that it’s a hopeless cause, and that they shouldn’t continue to pay for such lessons? How do they feel if they’re being paid to give ‘treatment’ to such a patient?

It must be the bane of all therapists. A person that is in trouble and needs help, but cannot be helped because they will not help themselves to change.

If it is not, what else can it be?

In cases such as this… I can only have them continue talking. Ask them questions, and try to have them forget.

I’m no professional. I’m not trained, never took classes. I’m not a quick thinker, I’m a slow one. I don’t have creative solutions, I just use what I’ve done before.

I just feel useless, horrible, weak.

Maybe I’ll take up the route of becoming a therapist, just to see how they answer my questions.

I seems much more ‘interesting’ than an accountant, that I’ll say.

All those movies, where a character has a huge problem, but another character just so happens to say that miracle sentence, and save the other character.

I hate that.

Because in life, it’s never that simple.

I hate this.