… bored, lonely, tired, drained, unwanted, and a idiot.

Today was okay, Creative Writing Club is just…. a loss of words. It can’t be described as a positive thing, or a negative thing, I think I’ll keep it neutral…for now. The person did not come, due to a dentist appointment or something. Skytrain’d mainly by myself. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother going so far for school, when Richmond High is basically one block away from my house.

Or if everyone else who lives in Richmond, actually attended clubs.

I’ve been on the skytrain many times, and today was no exception.

The average day, with the same average people, with the same average awkwardness as I try to text with one hand, except I saw something.

I saw… people.

Single, independent people. Each with their one radius, their own little space. I suddenly felt like an outsider. Not belonging to the group of people before me. I saw everything from an omnicint point of view, except without their thoughts.

I felt… alone. That’s normal, though. I’m usually always alone. There’s not one person that I trust, love nor hate. Everyone is gray. I might classify them in white or black, but I’ll see them as gray. (Also, is gray spelt with an A or an E?)

I could see lines separating me from the others. A polygon appeared, showing me all the space I had to myself. Then more lines appeared, circling and entertwining with each other. Loop after loop, intersection after intersection, the entire skytrain seemed to have had it’s floor painted on.

Each separate space was the space each ‘group’ had for themselves. I saw more and more groups of 2, or even more. It became increasingly obvious I was probably the only one there alone – and I don’t mind.

I am already acustomed to being ‘alone’. Even back in Elementary I always had moments where I would leave my ‘posse’ and just wonder off aimlessly. It was fun, but now, it’s painful.

Realizing that I’m the only one alone, in a group of maybe 70 people, is quite a blow for my already low ego. It’s amazing – I hate it.

It is the embodiment of ‘Forever Alone’, something I will accomplish in due time, but wish I wouldn’t.

Advertisements