-raises hand-

I’ve had some pretty good luck, if I say so myself, with this.
Out of the 2 so far, 2 have been successful. Though they were started too premature and between a language barrier, respectively.

Not really a language barrier though, haha.
More like my wish to stop continue learning to read&write, and her inability to read&write my fluent language (though in 2 years she’ll probably have better grammar than me). Yesterday I was reminded about this…again. (COUGHTHANKSCOUGH) And then…things happened and somehow I began to wonder what was she doing now? I haven’t see her in a year (OBVIOUSLY) and haven’t talked to her in quite some time.

The other… was my fault.
In all honestly, I have no way to explain it other than: I was (still am) an idiot.
Oblivious to many things, self centered, and completely unwilling to take a chance.
Don’t know if she still cares, but for me there will always be that awkward tension between us. Especially now that we live a block away from each other, meetings are frequent, sometimes lengthy and sometimes brief. Eye contact, and everything else that isn’t just responding to each other’s comment is non-existent. Sometimes this current time frame feels exactly like it was before that day. Then again, that day was really anticlimactic, but what can you do? When you’re 5km apart with only the internet between us. Combined with dominatrix parents from both sides, and a habit of staying up late and procrastination from both sides as well. (Though to be honest it’s probably her fault that I ever realized what procrastination was. I was a goody-two-shoe before. Hard to believe, eh?) Sometimes I wonder, what would happen if I had done ____ (cliche isn’t it). The saying that people regretting what they haven’t done is more than those who regretted doing them is true. I don’t regret many of the things I’ve done. MY, Pre-IB, IB, violin, art, skiing, shutting in my anger, faking, nothing. I regret not doing many things, the main one being not finishing civics, at the current moment.

Maybe I should stop blogging and read about the Kyoto Protocol….for the 3rd time.

Sigh.

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