Baby it’s not just you, you know it hurts me too.

You know, I’ve been pondering things while reading JE (jane eyre).
Something came up that…shouldn’t have came up.

Something related to happiness, and how one finds it.

You can’t just wish for it. It’s not going to appear under your Christmas tree or wrapped nicely on your birthday.

Life isn’t like that. Nothing is just handed out to you. You might be wishing with all your might, but if you just sit back, and watch as someone else goes out of their way into the cold outside temperature, you’ll never get it.

Hah, does this ring a bell? I’m just wondering about it still; just a thought, but I would like to know. : )

English: Compare/contrast stuff. I’ll end up doing belonging/not belonging. I wrote down some key notes to discuss in a blog during class, but my dedication (lulwut) to finish JE by tomorrow night is kicking in and getting me on track.

Accounting quiz!

Apparently, Edra (spelling) asked about credit/debit memos for a full 30 minutes. Way to kill time on things we’ve covered multiple times. Yes, it does sound arrogant assuming that everyone would understand by now, but when everyone in the class but you – excluding the ‘executives’ – understands the content, I fully expect you to understand as well.
delayed the test, more refresher periods now. oh wait, I don’t even get any, first block. How utterly enjoyable.

Now my mind starts to wonder, I was just recalling the summer. The girl that sleeps too much, the boy that’s too carefree, the girl that has my phone number but I don’t even remember her last name, the guy who won’t date a girl 15cm shorter than him, the girl who bitches 24/7 to the guy who won’t date a girl 15cm shorter, the guy who ‘enlightened” me that My Sister’s Keeper is a chick book, the girl who called me ‘some weird guy is staring at me’, the lady who recorded me talking (scary), the teacher that was always late, the father that was a possible janitor, and the girl that I might have ‘led on’.

Just asking, but how did you come to the conclusion that I – being the guilt-tripping person I am – led others on? Heck, I can only think of one possible instance where that might have happened, and that was because of my failure to dive into the unknown, and my fear of isolation. It’s the same fear that led me to back out, reassess my priorities, and move on. Sorry dear, I seem to have become immune to thunder.

You know, if half of the people in MY read my blogs, and actually REMEMBER events that happened the past 2 years – which hardly ANYONE does, to my dismay – this would be a nostalgic memory. Maybe not the most positive and uplifting nostalgia, and certainly not the one you want to remember – unless you have the desire to physically hurt me so, which would still not be a decent reason to remember – these inside jokes, references or whatever you like to deem them, are ways to remember, to not forget. Though the time we have is short – 5 years will go by quickly with people exiting and new people entering, new knowledge found, old friends becoming distant – it will be part of us. One day I’ll look back, read this, and utterly despise my style of writing, filled with commas, hyphens, and the unusual but common semicolon. It’s like the time capsule.

That’s right, the time capsule. My tennis ball. Ironic as it is – I don’t play tennis – the inside of it contains files I wish none other to see. My opinions, beliefs and priorities at the time when I made it – 4am, not the best time – are all contained in that one small memory stick. To share it’s contents, is something I would not wish, yet is something I desire. To rid myself of such secrets, and to feel ‘free’.

If only I had a back-up made, I could share it early, but that would defeat the purpose.

I wish that when the time comes around, the people that I deemed ‘important’ or ‘loved’ are still in touch with me, one way or the other.

Maybe if that still are at that time, I’ll find them, and do the action that I denied to one, a hug. Would you like one?

Hah. I’m sorry to be a disappointment. I still feel bad. Would things be differently, would that window be flashing orange and popping up, instead of just staying black and dull?

Maybe, just maybe, life can be all better. To be friends after is something I long for, but previous experiences show, it’s hardly possibly.

Ahh, more mind drifting. Now I have the urge to reread that manga again. About the college/highschool student that runs away, and meets possibly his ‘one’. Love stories, ahhh.

Less typing, more reading.

Tah tah, I hope you don’t forget that I’d like to know, both about happiness and leading on.
Sweet dreams.