Shoot.

Why.
Why.
Why.
Why.
Why?!

I have no courage. I swear. If one day I do decide to do something drastic when completely sane&sober, I’ll back out at the last possible second. Or just regret and feel guilt for a long period of time.

That’s how I feel now. No wait, I feel like shit.
It’s that feeling again, the one where I feel useless. Maybe I’ll get it a shorthand like my cornell notes. Maybe I’ll call it UL. UL for useless.
Maybe I’ll use Lord of the Rings as an excuse. I probably would. Though it wasn’t something I HAD to do, I was something I felt like I needed to do. Not mandatory, just extreme… craving..wanting…urges. Like a sixth sense that tells you “This, you should do” or “This, stay away.”
Though I wish this so called ‘sixth sense’ could force you to do it as well.

I might also use my lack of knowledge on the system itself as an excuse. Maybe even use you’re unwillingness to divulge information as one too. I’m horrible.

Maybe…maybe I should I have just stood up, and walked away from it, and finish what I’ve wanted to do. Sadly, it didn’t happen.

Now, I can’t even prove it to you. Hell, not like I had the bravery to prove it to begin with.
I’ve had many chances, and blew up each and every one of them.

Sorry, I can’t prove it now. Maybe some other day you’ll come to school finding something in a place where it shouldn’t be, and you’ll remember this.
& hopefully think of me.

Good night.

Advertisements